I have both anxiety and depression but I’ve chosen to write about my experience with depression. The first reason for this is that I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. Anxiety really only set in strongly as an adult so it is newer, and therefore fresher. Second, depression has generally been a mild to moderate disease that I experience to some degree almost all the time (this kind of depression is called Dysthymia). Anxiety on the other hand has been more acute and a lot more severe, with several very bad time periods that are hard for me to talk about. Although depression has impacted my life in negative ways I don’t find it to be acutely painful. It is like a dull ache that I’ve always had and because of that I don’t find it as hard to talk about.
Depression runs in my family. My mother in particular has struggled with it for many years. One thing she did a really good job of when raising me was normalizing depression. She talked about it in the same way most people talk about allergies. It was a fact of life. Some people have it, some don’t. You can treat it and sometimes that helps. Symptoms can ebb and flow. It was just a normal medical problem in our house. Because of my Mom’s willingness to be open about her depression I never felt like my depression needed to be some big, dark secret. That mentality has opened up a world of resources to me that some people never find.
Psychological problems are notoriously hard to describe, in part due to the fact that they are inherently personal. Nonetheless I’d like to try to describe how I experience depression. For me it feels like I’m a bit under mood wise. I don’t tend to have big highs and lows. For me, my mood is just always lower than it should be. I also experience fatigue and difficulty focusing regularly. I’m kind of like a less obvious version of Eeyore. I’m pretty much always down at least a little, but I’m much better than Eeyore at hiding it. I think that most people who struggle with mental illnesses (and chronic physical illnesses as well) are pretty good at hiding them.
I’ve found that that when I speak openly about depression in a straightforward manner most people respond positively. Some people are uncomfortable of course, but most people respond compassionately, and a surprising number of people are facing similar struggles. By talking openly and honestly about my experiences it gives others permission to talk about their own struggles. This reminds me of a C.S. Lewis quote. “Friendship is born the moment when one person says to another: ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” It’s amazing how helpful it can be to sit with someone and just say “me too.”
Our culture tends to shy away from talking about mental illness, which has the unfortunate result of many people suffering alone and in silence rather than in a community. When we do find that community and we are able to be with each other in our suffering the load gets lighter. If you want to get better at talking about mental illness I encourage you to check out makeitok.org which has resources for both people suffering from mental illness and their friends and family.
Comments